The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues. ― Terry Pratchett
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful
than a life spent doing
nothing.
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. ― Henry Ward Beecher
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. ― William Arthur Ward
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. ― Mark Twain
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it. ― Bill Cosby
When humor goes, there goes civilization. ― Erma Bombeck
The secret to humor is surprise. ― Aristotle
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. ― Jerome K. Jerome
Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it.
― Langston Hughes
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. ― Mary Hirsch
A study of economics reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. ― Marty Allen
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you. ― A. Whitney Brown
I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies. ― Lemony Snicket
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. ― Robert Benchley
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. ― Mary Hirsch
The unhappiest & unsuccessful people in this world, are those who care the most about
what other people think. ― C. JoyBell
To be a champion, you have to believe in yourself when nobody else will.
― Sugar Ray Robinson
The small wisdom is like water in a glass:
clear, transparent, pure.
The great wisdom is like the water in the sea:
dark, mysterious, impenetrable.
I steal from every single movie ever made. I love it – if my work has anything it’s that I’m taking this from this and that from that and mixing them together. If people don’t like that, then tough titty, don’t go and see it, alright? I steal from everything. Great artists steal; they don’t do homages. ― Quentin Tarantino
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder. ― Alfred Hitchcock
I don't dream at night, I dream all day; I dream for a living.― Steven Spielberg
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right. ― Woody Allen
Music is everybody's business. It's only the publishers who think people own it.
― John Lennon
Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ― Victor Hugo
After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music. ― Aldous Huxley
Music when healthy, is the teacher of perfect order, and when depraved, the teacher of perfect disorder. ― John Ruskin
Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything. ― Plato
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. — John Wilmot
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty. — Norm Crosby
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? — Scott Adams
If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us. — Anon
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it. — Clarence Darrow
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it. — Cullen Hightower
All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. — H. L. Mencken
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. ― Marilyn Monroe
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year.
I told him, "At my
age, I don't even buy green bananas." ― Claude Pepper
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on
a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. ― Albert Einstein
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ― Lana Turner
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninetyseven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. ― Ellen DeGeneres
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see
with the naked eye
unless you have been drinking. ― Dave Barry
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ― Mark Twain
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Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. ― Unknown
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With Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. ― Groucho Marx
Read MoreI haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
― Rodney Dangerfield
